213.5 again

I weighed myself today. I am still at 213.5. I am fine with that, better than 215 again! :) I'm still holding out that I will be 210 the morning of our flights next thursday.... we'll see.

It's been hot where I live so I've been wearing more skirts and dresses at work. I think I've worn fatty jeans and a fatty top everyday for the two years I've worked here. My boss came in and saw me in a skirt today for the first time and mentioned that I looked good and looked good in a skirt. That she doesn't see me in skirts and dresses much and it looked nice. That felt nice. I'm starting to fit into clothes that I haven't even looked at in 3 years. My mom this morning even commented that she's enjoying seeing clothes on me she hasn't seen in a while.

She went shopping with me this weekend. For the first time in ages I wasn't shopping at Lane Bryant or the plus side of Fashion Bug. I was at Macy's, in the regular section, looking at regular clothes. I found some cargo pants for our plane trip in a size 16 and a pair of longer shorts in the same style in a size 16. They fit great. My mom was impressed, I was happy. I bought a beautiful blue dress that I'm going to take with me as well.

I can't wait for my in-laws to see me and see how much weigh I've gotten rid of. I do hope I can say "40 lbs" when they ask how much. But "just about 40" is good enough :)

This is going to be a fun trip :)

I know I shouldn't...

but I weighed myself again today.

I weighed in today at 213.5. So it seems that every 5 or 10 pounds I hit a plateau and then once I get off of it, I lose quite a bit. I feel good. On my way to getting to 210 by Sept. 9th!!!

Almost

So last night, I was craving a good old fashion spaghetti dinner. So I made a ground lean turkey meat sauce with spaghetti. So yummy. I added some red wine in and just let is simmer for about 30 minutes. It's a been a while since I've made it and it wasn't my best, but it was yummy.

And against my better judgment and my new rule that I wasn't going to do it, I weighed myself this morning. I still lost another 1/2 pound (got rid of I mean!). So I'm at 215.5 pounds and have gotten rid of 34.5 pounds.

I just started typing 24.5 and that seemed right. But then I thought no, it's more, no it's not. It's not almost 40 pounds, that's not right. Then I realized yes, it is. I'm down almost 40 pounds.

Think I can get rid of that next 5.5 pounds by Labor Day? The week after that is when we go to visit my husband's family. They haven't seen me since before Christmas, WAY before losing weight. We leave 6 weeks from yesterday. TECHNICALLY, I could get rid of 2 lbs a week for a total of 12 pounds. However I'm not putting that on me... I'd like to between 205 and 210 when we go, that's reasonable. We shall see.

Woo hoo, did it! I'm under 220!!! I weighed in today at 219.5 pounds!! I've gotten rid of 30.5 pounds. I can't believe it. When I went in to weight myself this morning I told my husband, wish me luck, I need to get rid of .5 pounds to hit a loss of 30. I came back out and told him I hadn't lost 1/2 pound, he was sympathetic till I told him I'd lost 1 pound! Yeah!!

I'm so glad to be past this plateau and moving on to the next mini-goal. I think I'll make it 40 lbs, just stay with the tens. I don't know if I want to set that for the end of July, last time I did that I didn't succeed. I think 6 weeks would be good. That would be August 13th (when we go camping) to have gotten rid of 40 lbs total. Can I do it? I think I can. I am only 20lbs from being half way there!!!! So this new goal would get me to 210 lbs. It's been A LONG time since I've been at 210. This is going to be great! :)

Post Memorial Day Weekend Post

So I'm back. We had a wonderful weekend away from home. My son did wonderful on the trip up and we played, visited, ate, drank, and played in the pool. It was his first time in the pool, a little scary for him, but he did a great job.

I did much better with my food than I thought I would. I tried to order salads, fish, vegetables and just some more healthy alternatives than I normally would have gotten on this trip. I think only one dinner did I get a pasta dish and it was so rich I didn't finish half. That was my other goal, not to finish. It helps when I have my son right there and I'm juggling feeding him, occupying him and trying to feed myself. I walked, we moved, and we went swimming (briefly).

I had purchased a new swimsuit, a "dress suit". It's like having a little skirt on over your suit. This one actually.

Cute right? It covers some of the more embarrassing parts and definitely helped me to feel more confident. When I told my husband that I'd go in the water with our son, he was shocked, me in the water? I think he was a little proud. Plus I needed him to help distract and entertain our little boy who was a little nervous about this "really big bath tub".

Anyways, after the holiday weekend, I was very curios to get on the scale to see the damage done. I've never been so eager to jump on a scale.

Tuesday morning: 225 - Argh! But I was okay, that was my high range of "ok". I realized I didn't eat that bad, there is no way. I know I didn't drink enough water and I'm at "that time of the month". So I'll eat well on Tuesday and see what Wednesday morning brings me.

Wednesday morning (official weigh-in day): 223

Wheww.... that's better. I gained 1 pound over a 4-day holiday weekend. I'm happy with that. I didn't reach my goal of 221 by June 1st. But did I really think I'd lose 1 pound over the holiday? No. Could I have, Yes. Am I "ok" with the outcome? YES YES YES>

So this weeks weight, 223 with 27 pounds lost. Onwards and upwards people!

222

That's all I have to say.

222 lbs

as of this morning. I'm skipping inside :)

Getting rid of it!

One of the things my doctor has been trying to teach me is how the vocabulary we use affects us subconsciously. The word "lose" mentaly implies something that has been "lost" and thus needs to be "found".

So when we say that we've "lost 2 pounds" our subconscious wants to "find" it. However true or not true this is, I like the idea. I've lost weight before, and I've found it again some time later. Boo :( This time, I'm getting rid of the weight, never to be found again!

Another of these examples is the word "try". My plan has been to walk during lunch. However, things come up, rain, work, other stuff.... So when my doctor asks me if I've been walking, I tell her "I'm trying to", she has told me that "trying" is an excuse for maybe not doing it. By saying I'm "trying" I'm already giving myself a way out. I will try, but that means I may or may not do it. Why "try", why not "do". So now I say that I "am walking". Yeah, there are days I don't, like yesterday when it was raining, but there are the majority of days I do. So I am walking. If I already have it in my head that I am "doing" it, than it's already there, it's part of the plan, it's part of my day, and I do it.

It's interesting to me how something as simple as the words we use can affect us. I'm not perfect at this. I know in this blog I mostly use the word "lost" in regards to my weight loss, I know I use the word "try" more than I should. However, it's something to keep in the back of my mind.

The words that I've changed that seem to be helping me change have been: Forgiveness, Gone, Do, OK, ME.

Forgiveness: It's okay to not be perfect in this journey. I will struggle and I will get back up and I will get there.

Gone: It's gone, the weight is gone, not lost. The clothes that I get too small for, my size 22 jeans, my size 20 jeans, GONE. Not kept in a corner or a drawer "just in case". Just in case of what? Gone... gone... GONE.

Do: Just do it. Yeah, it's corny, but it's true. I'm not trying to lose weight, I am losing weight. I'm not trying to be better, I am getting better. I'm not trying to be myself again, I am becoming myself again.

OK: I'm okay. I'm okay the way I am, I'm okay the way I was, and I'm certainly going to be okay in the future.

ME: I am who I am. That's all I can be. I'm not superwoman, I am me. Being me, is key and taking care of me is the answer. Putting "ME" at the top of my priority list, it's a first but it's necessary to even have my son as #2. I can't care for him if I'm not taking care of myself. My son as #2? That almost hurts to write. However, myself as #1, it has to be for everything else to work.

Oh, and after all my rambling (remember, I hate writing!), I weighed myself today. 223 lbs. I've lost 27 lbs and I'm 2 lbs from my goal for Monday. I don't even know if our hotel has a scale :) I'm happy. That's what matters.

Up and Down and Up and Down

I guess my "getting back on track" yesterday really helped. I weighed in today at... 224.5 lbs. I'm happy :)

My son will be two in October. That's in a little under 5 months from now. I'd like to lose another 20-25 pounds by then. Perhaps I could be under 200 by then, how cool would that be? I'm trying NOT to set unrealistic goals. 20 pounds in 5 months is completely do-able. It's tight, but it's do-able. There is no room for error. So what do I do? Do I go ahead and set the goal knowing that there is always a chance I won't hit it? or do I set a more "padded" goal of 25 pounds by Christmas? Goals are hard. I have one right now. I wanted to lose an additional 10 lbs by the end of May (this started the middle of April). That would bring me to 221 lbs. I think I can still do it (except for the big Memorial Day weekend at the end! ). Isn't part of what I'm try to change in myself the ability to forgive myself if I don't meet my goals? I am afraid. I'm afraid I won't meet my goals, and I'll spiral out of control. What am I gaining by giving myself "padded" goals? Just an excuse not to meet them right? Right. No more excuses. I'm going to put my goals up on a side bar here and stick to them. I may hit them, I may not. But that's where I'm going to need to grow and learn to even lose the weight in the long run. So here goes...

Goal #1: 221 lbs by May 31st
Goal #2: 200 lbs by October 14th

What are your goals? Weight loss, work, anything...