Been a while...

Ok, I know it's been a while. I need to get back into blogging daily (or as close as I can) about my journey and my weight loss.

Here I am today


I was actually at 203.5 on Sunday. I really want to hit or get under 200 by my birthday, 2/6. I think I can do it, just need to stick to my guns.

When I look back at 2010, I lost pretty close to 50 pounds. I could have lost more, I probably should have, but I lost 50 pounds. I weigh so much less, look so different, feel more confident. It's 50 freaking pounds, that I am no longer carrying around on my body. Insane. A few more pounds and I've lost two of my son's weight. Crazy.

I am still in a size 16, but can fit into some of my old size 14 clothes.

I am working out on the elliptical 3-6 days a week. I try everyday, but then there are late nights or something happens and I get about 5 in. I've worked out every day since Saturday so far.

I downloaded the NutriSystem App to my phone to help me track my weight, water and exercise, I love it, and easy.

On the elliptical, it has these pre-set workouts. 20 minutes that burns 275 calories. I'd been doing that but moved to the 30 minute workout last week. I burn 550 calories on that one, wow! It's kicking my behind, but in a good way and is only getting easier.

I'm finally moving on from my miscarriage. I wasn't healing like I should and ended up needing a D&C on 12/23 which sucked. However, it did the trick and my body has finally moved on and healed.

I think that's all for now. Perhaps I'll get brave and post a picture at some point.

So.... finally ready to say it...

Bad news:
I'm not pregnant anymore. We went in for our 8 week ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. I was devastated. First miscarriage. I took the medication for the miscarriage last Thursday night since it wasn't happening on it's own. I'm hoping to be pregnant again soon. I'm trying to look on the positive side of things, whatever side that is. I can continue to lose weight, and can get in better shape. We got our elliptical the day after we found out so I've been using that and feeling really good.

Good news:
Getting rid of more weight!



Yeah! I am down to 207.5. During the few weeks I was pregnant, it dropped to 208 then after the m/c it jumped up to 214. I fell off the wagon for a bit there and just didn't care. I then stopped and thought, crap.... this will be the end if I can't stop this. So I did. I'm back down to 207.5, fairly quickly. I think a lot of the weight had to do with the m/c and that's why it went down so quickly. Whatever the case may be, it's down. Plus I'm trying to do 20 min a day on the elliptical. My husband told me that I should try for 5 days not 7. I told him if my goal i 7, I'll do 5. I'll naturally miss days, like Wednesday night when I got invited to a girls night last minute and got home after 10pm. But then there are nights like last night that while my son is eating dinner, I can jump on an do 20 minutes.

We got the elliptical from Costco and I'm loving it. It has the iFit technology, which I'm not using yet, but will. iFit are little memory cards you can stick in the machine with pre-setup workouts. However, before I get those, the machine has a few workouts already set-up. There are two based on calorie goals, 275 and 525 (i think). I've been doing the one for 275 calories in 20 min. It automatically changes the resistance and tells me the goal for the rpm so I'm running hard, then medium, then hard... it's great. Love it.

I think my next item to wish for is a weight set.

I'm so excited that I've almost gotten rid of 50 pounds! FIFTY POUNDS! Holy Cow! That sounds insane! My son is 27 lbs so it will almost be like two of him. And he feels heavy just one of him.

I'm finally starting to feel smaller when I look in the mirror. I even had to go out and buy new underwear. I'm hoping to hit the 50lb mark by the end of the year, or by the middle of the December. (Unless I'm pregnant!) :)

Long time no.... anything...

So it's been a while, and a few things are going on. First...

I weighed in at 209.5 yesterday!!! Woo hoo!! I am so excited.

Second...

Yeah... pregnant... I'm sooooo excited. Right now, I'm due June 8th, 2011.

I was so nervous at first. I was so excited to be pregnant, but so frustrated that was just getting going on this weight loss. So I called up my doc who helped me with the weight loss. She said, eat like I have. Eat healthy, eat well. If I gain, oh well; if I lose, oh well; if I maintain, oh well. I need to be prepared to be ok with whatever happens. I have a new OB and he right out told me nope. You need to gain 20-25 pounds then start the weight loss over. WHAT? Are you kidding me? I just lost 41 pounds. So I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing and my body will do what it will do.

I've already lost like 3 or 4 pounds. I was 215 at the doctors two weeks ago. I go in again on Wednesday so we'll see what he says. I've had morning sickness and can't keep full meals down. BLAH. I already have heartburn. I didn't have ANYTHING with my son so this is ALL new. Hopefully that means girl??? We'll know in about 9-13 weeks! I'm 7 weeks as of yesterday.

More to come!

Feeling good

Despite not losing as much weight lately as I would have wanted I'm still down half a pound. I'm not surprised though. We have been so crazy busy I wouldn't have been surprised if I'd been up 2 or 3 pounds. I'm actually down 1 1/2 pounds from my last post. It seems like every 5 or 10 pounds I hit a plateau and then it takes a bit of time then I charge past it. I didn't get here overnight so I know it will take a while. My husband told me I'd have an elliptical by November so I'm excited. I think I'm getting to the point where I'll need more exercise than just walking to get more weight off. So I'm at 214.5 as of this morning. We go to visit my husbands family on September 9th and I'd LOVE to be at 210. That's a little under 3 weeks to lose 4.5 pounds. I think I can do it. I should be able to get rid of 3-6 pounds so it's no unrealistic.

Clothes: So I started this journey in my massive size 22's. My lovely husband took me out shopping this weekend for some new pants that aren't the one's I've storing away for "if I ever lose weight". I tried on 18's to be safe and they were too big!!! Yippie! So I picked up a new pair of size 16 jeans. Then found this cute pair of black and brown pants that were perfect in a size 16. They were all on clearance so it was perfect as we haven't wanted to buy too much as we are losing. But I've only been wearing jeans and nice tops to work since I've balloned so it's nice to have some different pants to wear besides jeans!

So I thought I'd check in and voice my thoughts. Next stop... 210 pounds!

Thursday Check-in

Woo hoo! 34 pounds gone! I'm feeling so encouraged and so excited about this journey. When I was pregnant with my son, I dropped to 216 lbs, but went back up again as the pregnancy progressed. Except for that, I don't think I've been at 216 for about 4 years.

I am feeling comfy today in my size 16 Gloria Vanderbilt jeans. I'm begging my husband to get my bin of "too small" clothes and jeans out of the garage so I can go "shopping". I'm curious to see what I can find to fit into. I found another size 16 jeans by Mossimo. I can't quite fit into those, plus they appear to ride much lower, they might be a lost cause :)

So... I'm excited...

Checking-in

So we went to a friends house this past weekend and as I was leaving the room to go to the restroom, I overheard my husband telling our friends I was losing weight and say that I was onto losing almost 50lbs. 50 Pounds! Wow! To even realize that is my next logical step is insane. Of course I'm taking it 5lbs at a time. I'm down to 217.5 and I'm so excited.

I'm in a baggy size 18 or a semi-tight (but comfy) size 16. If I wear an 18, it's practically falling off within a few house. If I wear a 16 like I am now, they are just a tad tight but don't get too lose. AND to prove to myself that I wasn't just fitting in the size 16 because I had stretched them out in the past, I bought a new pair. Fit fine :) Yeah!

So my ultimate goal for 2010? Is this...

Or a version of this. I wore a dress almost similar (it might be this one) as a bridesmaid dress for my brother's wedding in 2005. I had lost about 15 or 20 pounds after buying it so I had to have it taken in, majorly! I believe if I can get to 190, I might be able to fit into it. I can't remember the exact weight I was at when I wore it. If I can reach my goal of 200 by my son's 2nd birthday in the middle of October, I should be able to do this by Christmas. Wouldn't this be a fun dress for a Christmas party??? I figure some more tangible goals would be helpful.

I also realized that one of the pairs of jeans I have hanging in my closet as "goal jeans" is a size 16, so I'm going to try them on tomorrow morning.

You want to know another secret? I'm in the middle of the tww. Don't know what that stands for? It's the two week wait. Don't know what that means? It's the two week wait to see if Aunt Flo comes. Yep.... I'm waiting. I'm due this Saturday, no pressure, it happens or it doesn't. If I'm pregnant, wonderful, I'm over the moon (but all goals are shot to hell). If I'm not pregnant, it gives me more time to get rid of more weight before getting pregnant. Oh and, with four girls born to friends and family this year, I'm ready for a little girl. I'm ready for another baby.

Oh, and another secret that would make being pregnant even easier, my dear husband got a fatty raise and bonus structure. We are again, over the moon with excitement.

Wish me luck...

Thursday Check-in

I weighed in today, Thursday, at 218 pounds! Woo hoo! I've gotten rid of 32 pounds. I still can't believe it. I've been doing really well, watching what I eat and being good :) I'm still not exercising regularly but I'm doing what I can when I can. Monday night I went on an hour and a half walk with the hubby and my son. It was nice to get out of the house together and hubby even bought me a coffee when we got into town. The wind picked up on the way back, but I think we all had fun getting out of the house.

I'm a little worried about my hubby. He was losing weight and doing really well when he was on this fundraising program. However now that it's over, he's not doing as well. He works really hard and he actually works out (basketball). He's not my problem to fix, I am the only thing I have control over. We are in the talks of another "Biggest Loser" competition, so we'll see what happens.

Anyways, except for this stupid cold that is trying to destroy me, I'm feeling good about this journey. I feel more "me" than I have in a long time. That's the point right?

Losing again

So I'm back. The whole month of June seemed like a waste for my weight loss. I just hit 220.5 and I was so frustrated.

There's where I'm at. I'm 1/2 a pound from getting rid of 30lbs. Wow.

So what's been going on that got me stalled? I don't know, I thought I was doing everything right. I'm walking (not every day) and I'm eating well. I think it all started with Memorial Day weekend, then another party the next weekend, then Father's day weekend. I kept bouncing all over the place. 224, 221, 223, 222, it was ping pong ball on the scale. I talked with my doctor who thought it was all in my head. This whole weight loss so far has been more about getting it right in my head than anywhere else. I have the tools, I know what to do, but I wasn't doing them. I feel that I'm back on the right track and ready to get past the 220lb mark and onto the next mark (not sure what that is yet). Maybe that's been my problem, no direction? Hmmm

So I am keeping track of what I eat using WeightWatcher's online tools. It's really helpful. However lately, I haven't been eating all of my points. Food seems to have taken on a different thing for me of more of a fuel need than just a "stuff it in my face" need (whatever that is). If I get hungry (like I am a bit now at 4pm) I normally would have eaten just about anything, but I'm thinking more of something to get me through to dinner time. Some cottage cheese, a cheese stick, yogurt, something of that sort. While eating higher protein foods, I'm finding it keeps me full longer and I'm not that hungry later. I've actually skipped dinner a few (more than a few times to be honest) because I'm not hungry. I know that's not good, but it's not like I'm 98 pounds and starving here. Food is fuel isn't it? If I'm not hungry should I still eat a full meal?

Some of the things that I've been loving that get me through the day:

Microwavable cup of soup (Lite veggie, veggie pasta) with a 1/4 of an avocado cut up and put in after it heats. (It makes me think of the Tortilla soup at El Toritto, mmmm) The avocado fills me up and it's yummy.

Frozen Edamame beans. 1 to 1 1/2 cups with a little salt, mmmm, so yummy.

Salad with tomatoes, red onion, some avocado, cucumber and spray salad dressing. Depending on what else I'm eating with it, if nothing, I'll put a little tuna salad on the side, 1/4 cup for protein.

Veggie patty with two slices of cheese on top. (I will sometimes have this with the soup, it's a good 5 point meal)

Cottage cheese (2%) with fruit for breakfast

Cheese stick

Rice cakes (I will be buying stock in these before this diet is over!!!!) Great when I feel like I want to eat, but I'm not really hungry. It gets me past that hump that in the past would have derailed me. There are a lot of times I want to eat even though I'm not hungry, but I'm learning to identify if I'm hungry or not and what to do about it.

Pickles... just mmmm, love pickles (and no, I'm not pregnant)

Well, hopefully I hit 220 this week. I'll be posting more often.

Post Memorial Day Weekend Post

So I'm back. We had a wonderful weekend away from home. My son did wonderful on the trip up and we played, visited, ate, drank, and played in the pool. It was his first time in the pool, a little scary for him, but he did a great job.

I did much better with my food than I thought I would. I tried to order salads, fish, vegetables and just some more healthy alternatives than I normally would have gotten on this trip. I think only one dinner did I get a pasta dish and it was so rich I didn't finish half. That was my other goal, not to finish. It helps when I have my son right there and I'm juggling feeding him, occupying him and trying to feed myself. I walked, we moved, and we went swimming (briefly).

I had purchased a new swimsuit, a "dress suit". It's like having a little skirt on over your suit. This one actually.

Cute right? It covers some of the more embarrassing parts and definitely helped me to feel more confident. When I told my husband that I'd go in the water with our son, he was shocked, me in the water? I think he was a little proud. Plus I needed him to help distract and entertain our little boy who was a little nervous about this "really big bath tub".

Anyways, after the holiday weekend, I was very curios to get on the scale to see the damage done. I've never been so eager to jump on a scale.

Tuesday morning: 225 - Argh! But I was okay, that was my high range of "ok". I realized I didn't eat that bad, there is no way. I know I didn't drink enough water and I'm at "that time of the month". So I'll eat well on Tuesday and see what Wednesday morning brings me.

Wednesday morning (official weigh-in day): 223

Wheww.... that's better. I gained 1 pound over a 4-day holiday weekend. I'm happy with that. I didn't reach my goal of 221 by June 1st. But did I really think I'd lose 1 pound over the holiday? No. Could I have, Yes. Am I "ok" with the outcome? YES YES YES>

So this weeks weight, 223 with 27 pounds lost. Onwards and upwards people!

Ugh, Ugh and Double Ugh

That's how I feel, just ugh. My son was off and on sick all weekend. He's had an on going cough that is too infrequent for it be considered a "he's sick" cough. He had some high temps this past weekend but they finally broke last night and this morning with no rash so far. Thank goodness.

I'm really trying to understand my body and how it reacts to what I put in it. I did really well Friday, I even worked out a bit harder since I had been home with our sick child. I discovered a new option on our Wii. I love the step program and it just opened up free step. I can set it for so many minutes, it gives me a goal of steps, then go. It beeps out the rhythm in the control, shouts out encouragement and lets me know when I've reached the 100, 200 and so on steps. I can the switch back over to TV and watch a show while a "free step". I purchased this raiser so that I can eventually raise it so it's more like the step platforms at gyms, but I haven't gotten there yet.

So back to weight. I was good, I had a coffee, had soup for lunch. Good dinner with the hubby. I got on the scale the next morning and whoa... I was up like 1 1/2 pounds. What??? What happened? I did everything right! Ugh.

So Saturday, I was discouraged, but I still stayed on track while we did errands. I got on the scale on Sunday and what??? Up another pound. No here is where I find myself needing to step back and figure out what is going on. I could not have eaten enough to physically gain 2 1/2 pounds in two days. This was either water weight, hormones, or the weight of worrying about a sick child weighs exactly 2 1/2 pounds on my shoulders. Again, I was discouraged.

Sunday, I wasn't as good. We went to a buffet for brunch. I didn't go back for seconds, I didn't even finish what was on my plate (waste of money) but I did enjoy the mimosa's :) I didn't eat "well" but I didn't overeat either. That was good. Our dinner should have been something light after what we had for brunch but no, it wasn't. I think I had gone down the... if I gained, I'll just eat.

But what was I doing? I wanted to lose weight. I have a goal that is coming up in a week plus a big holiday weekend with family right before it!!! That should be my semi-whatever weekend, not this one! UGh. So Sunday morning had me back up to a whopping 227.5 that was 3 pounds up from where I was on Wednesday morning. BLAH!

I didn't want to look like this forever!


So I weighed myself Monday morning thinking why? It's going to be up and what's the point. The point is being consistent and learning. So I weighed, and the scale came back taunting me with a 226. Ummm ok. After all of my "whatever's" on Sunday it's down? THIS IS WHY I'M WEIGHING MYSELF EVERYDAY! (that's in caps to stick it in my brain better). So that no single day matters except the one "tracking" day.

Monday, I did really well. I watched what I ate, I listened to my hunger cues, and I even went walking. I ate soup for dinner, no crackers and no wine. I was craving something, I would go to the kitchen and look through what we had. Hmmmmm nothing jumped out at me. Recently I've been into my son's goldfish crackers. We didn't have any, that was a good thing. I don't think he'd notice if we didn't get them for a while.

So Tuesday morning weigh-in. I got up feeling confident and hopped on the scale. It was taunting me again. With 223.5!!! Woo hoo! But what?

So from Wednesday morning to Tuesday morning I went from 224.5 down to 223.5. I lost a pound. I didn't gain three, I lost one. After all of the ups and downs, my weekly loss was still 1 pound. Should have been better, but considering the roller coaster I had apparently just gotten off, I was happy.

I was also happy since it buts me closer to my goal of 220. 3 1/2 pounds in 6 days? Maybe, Maybe no. We'll see. I'll be excited if I do and happy if I don't. My goal with my doctor was actually ten pounds from where I was at our last appointment at a 19 lb loss. So for that goal realistically, I would need to get to 221. Again, doable. But with Memorial Day weekend at the end? That will be the real test :)

Wish me luck.

Tuesday Weigh-In

Okay. Here goes. I weighed in today for my weekly check-in.

226

Argh!! I was 225.5 last week. Yes, that's not a big deal. Especially if you consider we were at a party this weekend and I let go a little bit.

I weigh myself every morning, but I only count Tuesday morning for tracking purposes. (I'm thinking of switching this to Thursday or Friday morning but I'm not sure.)

I know what I weighed before the party, 225, I know what I weighed the day after the party, 226.5 and I know what I weighed today after two days back on track, 226. So am I upset? I think I was a little bit, but I'm not now.

Why? Because I know what my body is doing now. One of the reasons I got to where I am now with my weight is I didn't know my body. I would have a weekend like this last one and I'd go a little overboard. And what would I do? I'd stress about what I'd gained. I'd worry I'd gained like 2 or 3 pounds. I had messed up. How did I know about this weight gain? I didn't. I didn't weight myself. I was guessing. Then I'd end up in the downward spiral that would leave me slightly depressed and I would find it difficult to get "back on track" the next day. This would double the trouble if not worse.

Now I realize, it's one day. My body will bounce back. I didn't gain 3 pounds, I gained 1 1/2 pounds. But is that really how much? Could I gain 1 1/2 pounds in 24 hours? Not really, not with what I ate. It's water weight, it's salt, it's wine, it's staying up too late.

So I gained, I'm okay with it. For the first time in a long time, weight gain isn't bothering me, it's causing me to look back at what I ate and why the scale says what it says.

I'm not going to put my life on hold so I can lose weight, I'll change it, but I'm still going to have fun, still going to have pizza, still going to have the occasional cocktail. AND... I'm still going to lose weight.