213.5 again

I weighed myself today. I am still at 213.5. I am fine with that, better than 215 again! :) I'm still holding out that I will be 210 the morning of our flights next thursday.... we'll see.

It's been hot where I live so I've been wearing more skirts and dresses at work. I think I've worn fatty jeans and a fatty top everyday for the two years I've worked here. My boss came in and saw me in a skirt today for the first time and mentioned that I looked good and looked good in a skirt. That she doesn't see me in skirts and dresses much and it looked nice. That felt nice. I'm starting to fit into clothes that I haven't even looked at in 3 years. My mom this morning even commented that she's enjoying seeing clothes on me she hasn't seen in a while.

She went shopping with me this weekend. For the first time in ages I wasn't shopping at Lane Bryant or the plus side of Fashion Bug. I was at Macy's, in the regular section, looking at regular clothes. I found some cargo pants for our plane trip in a size 16 and a pair of longer shorts in the same style in a size 16. They fit great. My mom was impressed, I was happy. I bought a beautiful blue dress that I'm going to take with me as well.

I can't wait for my in-laws to see me and see how much weigh I've gotten rid of. I do hope I can say "40 lbs" when they ask how much. But "just about 40" is good enough :)

This is going to be a fun trip :)

Feeling good

Despite not losing as much weight lately as I would have wanted I'm still down half a pound. I'm not surprised though. We have been so crazy busy I wouldn't have been surprised if I'd been up 2 or 3 pounds. I'm actually down 1 1/2 pounds from my last post. It seems like every 5 or 10 pounds I hit a plateau and then it takes a bit of time then I charge past it. I didn't get here overnight so I know it will take a while. My husband told me I'd have an elliptical by November so I'm excited. I think I'm getting to the point where I'll need more exercise than just walking to get more weight off. So I'm at 214.5 as of this morning. We go to visit my husbands family on September 9th and I'd LOVE to be at 210. That's a little under 3 weeks to lose 4.5 pounds. I think I can do it. I should be able to get rid of 3-6 pounds so it's no unrealistic.

Clothes: So I started this journey in my massive size 22's. My lovely husband took me out shopping this weekend for some new pants that aren't the one's I've storing away for "if I ever lose weight". I tried on 18's to be safe and they were too big!!! Yippie! So I picked up a new pair of size 16 jeans. Then found this cute pair of black and brown pants that were perfect in a size 16. They were all on clearance so it was perfect as we haven't wanted to buy too much as we are losing. But I've only been wearing jeans and nice tops to work since I've balloned so it's nice to have some different pants to wear besides jeans!

So I thought I'd check in and voice my thoughts. Next stop... 210 pounds!

Blah

After what felt like a great week, I'm up 1/2 a pound back to 216. Of course it's "that time of the month" so I have a feeling I'm weighing in with some extra unwanted bloat. I am really encouraged to get to 200. I just have to watch what I'm eating and pay attention. I had a nice salad for lunch today with some tuna salad on it and I am soooo full. Icky full. But it's a nice change to feel icky full from salad then something bad for me.

My husband and I are working to save up for an elliptical. He's guaranteed me we'll have one by November. I'm super excited!!! We've had some unusual expenses with surgeries, dog training, etc that just keep putting the things we want but don't necessarily "need" right now off. I can't wait to get it though and start exercising... I can only do so much walking!

Almost

So last night, I was craving a good old fashion spaghetti dinner. So I made a ground lean turkey meat sauce with spaghetti. So yummy. I added some red wine in and just let is simmer for about 30 minutes. It's a been a while since I've made it and it wasn't my best, but it was yummy.

And against my better judgment and my new rule that I wasn't going to do it, I weighed myself this morning. I still lost another 1/2 pound (got rid of I mean!). So I'm at 215.5 pounds and have gotten rid of 34.5 pounds.

I just started typing 24.5 and that seemed right. But then I thought no, it's more, no it's not. It's not almost 40 pounds, that's not right. Then I realized yes, it is. I'm down almost 40 pounds.

Think I can get rid of that next 5.5 pounds by Labor Day? The week after that is when we go to visit my husband's family. They haven't seen me since before Christmas, WAY before losing weight. We leave 6 weeks from yesterday. TECHNICALLY, I could get rid of 2 lbs a week for a total of 12 pounds. However I'm not putting that on me... I'd like to between 205 and 210 when we go, that's reasonable. We shall see.

BMI changes

I just realized that my BMI is dropping (obviously with the change in weight it will). However, I only recently started using the tracking system that shows my BMI so I went back to see what it was when I started.

At 250 lbs my BMI was 39.2
As of today at 217.5 lbs it is 34.1

It's decreased by over 5! Wow.

To put it in perspective....

At my goal of 150 lbs, it would be 23.5.

BMI Categories are as follows:

BMI Categories:

• Underweight = under 18.5
• Normal weight = 18.5–24.9
• Overweight = 25–29.9
• Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater

So I'm still in the Obesity range, but at 191 pounds I would have a BMI of 29.9, officially NOT obese, just Overweight. At 159 lbs it will be 24.9 and I'll be an official "normal weight".

Just interesting to see where my weight falls in "medical terms".

Checking-in

So we went to a friends house this past weekend and as I was leaving the room to go to the restroom, I overheard my husband telling our friends I was losing weight and say that I was onto losing almost 50lbs. 50 Pounds! Wow! To even realize that is my next logical step is insane. Of course I'm taking it 5lbs at a time. I'm down to 217.5 and I'm so excited.

I'm in a baggy size 18 or a semi-tight (but comfy) size 16. If I wear an 18, it's practically falling off within a few house. If I wear a 16 like I am now, they are just a tad tight but don't get too lose. AND to prove to myself that I wasn't just fitting in the size 16 because I had stretched them out in the past, I bought a new pair. Fit fine :) Yeah!

So my ultimate goal for 2010? Is this...

Or a version of this. I wore a dress almost similar (it might be this one) as a bridesmaid dress for my brother's wedding in 2005. I had lost about 15 or 20 pounds after buying it so I had to have it taken in, majorly! I believe if I can get to 190, I might be able to fit into it. I can't remember the exact weight I was at when I wore it. If I can reach my goal of 200 by my son's 2nd birthday in the middle of October, I should be able to do this by Christmas. Wouldn't this be a fun dress for a Christmas party??? I figure some more tangible goals would be helpful.

I also realized that one of the pairs of jeans I have hanging in my closet as "goal jeans" is a size 16, so I'm going to try them on tomorrow morning.

You want to know another secret? I'm in the middle of the tww. Don't know what that stands for? It's the two week wait. Don't know what that means? It's the two week wait to see if Aunt Flo comes. Yep.... I'm waiting. I'm due this Saturday, no pressure, it happens or it doesn't. If I'm pregnant, wonderful, I'm over the moon (but all goals are shot to hell). If I'm not pregnant, it gives me more time to get rid of more weight before getting pregnant. Oh and, with four girls born to friends and family this year, I'm ready for a little girl. I'm ready for another baby.

Oh, and another secret that would make being pregnant even easier, my dear husband got a fatty raise and bonus structure. We are again, over the moon with excitement.

Wish me luck...

Thursday Check-in

I weighed in today, Thursday, at 218 pounds! Woo hoo! I've gotten rid of 32 pounds. I still can't believe it. I've been doing really well, watching what I eat and being good :) I'm still not exercising regularly but I'm doing what I can when I can. Monday night I went on an hour and a half walk with the hubby and my son. It was nice to get out of the house together and hubby even bought me a coffee when we got into town. The wind picked up on the way back, but I think we all had fun getting out of the house.

I'm a little worried about my hubby. He was losing weight and doing really well when he was on this fundraising program. However now that it's over, he's not doing as well. He works really hard and he actually works out (basketball). He's not my problem to fix, I am the only thing I have control over. We are in the talks of another "Biggest Loser" competition, so we'll see what happens.

Anyways, except for this stupid cold that is trying to destroy me, I'm feeling good about this journey. I feel more "me" than I have in a long time. That's the point right?

Woo hoo, did it! I'm under 220!!! I weighed in today at 219.5 pounds!! I've gotten rid of 30.5 pounds. I can't believe it. When I went in to weight myself this morning I told my husband, wish me luck, I need to get rid of .5 pounds to hit a loss of 30. I came back out and told him I hadn't lost 1/2 pound, he was sympathetic till I told him I'd lost 1 pound! Yeah!!

I'm so glad to be past this plateau and moving on to the next mini-goal. I think I'll make it 40 lbs, just stay with the tens. I don't know if I want to set that for the end of July, last time I did that I didn't succeed. I think 6 weeks would be good. That would be August 13th (when we go camping) to have gotten rid of 40 lbs total. Can I do it? I think I can. I am only 20lbs from being half way there!!!! So this new goal would get me to 210 lbs. It's been A LONG time since I've been at 210. This is going to be great! :)

There is light at the end!

There just may a light at the end of this plateau tunnel I was stuck in the entire month of June. I weighed in again this morning at 220.5. Pretty considering I was at a pizza restaurant for a friends birthday party last night. I had two pieces of pizza and that was it. It's funny, I don't think I could have eaten another piece if I had wanted to. I can't seem to eat the same amount now, and that's a good thing.

Before this diet, I would eat my meal, probably over eating already by the time I even felt full. But then, because it was there, I would try to eat a little more and end up stuffed and feel icky. I can't even get half way through what I use to do and I feel full, and forget just getting those last few bites in! Ugh.

I've been having salads or soups for lunch at work (among a few other things) but today I wanted to have something different. I went and got a chicken burrito from next door. YUMMY, always! Slow cooked chicken, with rice and some salsa, that's it. I usually split it with a coworker but thought I'd have half for lunch and the rest for dinner. I could barely get through that half. And once I did, I feel ewww sick. So full and gross.

I guess that's how I know I'm changing my eating habits. Progress baby!

Post Memorial Day Weekend Post

So I'm back. We had a wonderful weekend away from home. My son did wonderful on the trip up and we played, visited, ate, drank, and played in the pool. It was his first time in the pool, a little scary for him, but he did a great job.

I did much better with my food than I thought I would. I tried to order salads, fish, vegetables and just some more healthy alternatives than I normally would have gotten on this trip. I think only one dinner did I get a pasta dish and it was so rich I didn't finish half. That was my other goal, not to finish. It helps when I have my son right there and I'm juggling feeding him, occupying him and trying to feed myself. I walked, we moved, and we went swimming (briefly).

I had purchased a new swimsuit, a "dress suit". It's like having a little skirt on over your suit. This one actually.

Cute right? It covers some of the more embarrassing parts and definitely helped me to feel more confident. When I told my husband that I'd go in the water with our son, he was shocked, me in the water? I think he was a little proud. Plus I needed him to help distract and entertain our little boy who was a little nervous about this "really big bath tub".

Anyways, after the holiday weekend, I was very curios to get on the scale to see the damage done. I've never been so eager to jump on a scale.

Tuesday morning: 225 - Argh! But I was okay, that was my high range of "ok". I realized I didn't eat that bad, there is no way. I know I didn't drink enough water and I'm at "that time of the month". So I'll eat well on Tuesday and see what Wednesday morning brings me.

Wednesday morning (official weigh-in day): 223

Wheww.... that's better. I gained 1 pound over a 4-day holiday weekend. I'm happy with that. I didn't reach my goal of 221 by June 1st. But did I really think I'd lose 1 pound over the holiday? No. Could I have, Yes. Am I "ok" with the outcome? YES YES YES>

So this weeks weight, 223 with 27 pounds lost. Onwards and upwards people!

Getting rid of it!

One of the things my doctor has been trying to teach me is how the vocabulary we use affects us subconsciously. The word "lose" mentaly implies something that has been "lost" and thus needs to be "found".

So when we say that we've "lost 2 pounds" our subconscious wants to "find" it. However true or not true this is, I like the idea. I've lost weight before, and I've found it again some time later. Boo :( This time, I'm getting rid of the weight, never to be found again!

Another of these examples is the word "try". My plan has been to walk during lunch. However, things come up, rain, work, other stuff.... So when my doctor asks me if I've been walking, I tell her "I'm trying to", she has told me that "trying" is an excuse for maybe not doing it. By saying I'm "trying" I'm already giving myself a way out. I will try, but that means I may or may not do it. Why "try", why not "do". So now I say that I "am walking". Yeah, there are days I don't, like yesterday when it was raining, but there are the majority of days I do. So I am walking. If I already have it in my head that I am "doing" it, than it's already there, it's part of the plan, it's part of my day, and I do it.

It's interesting to me how something as simple as the words we use can affect us. I'm not perfect at this. I know in this blog I mostly use the word "lost" in regards to my weight loss, I know I use the word "try" more than I should. However, it's something to keep in the back of my mind.

The words that I've changed that seem to be helping me change have been: Forgiveness, Gone, Do, OK, ME.

Forgiveness: It's okay to not be perfect in this journey. I will struggle and I will get back up and I will get there.

Gone: It's gone, the weight is gone, not lost. The clothes that I get too small for, my size 22 jeans, my size 20 jeans, GONE. Not kept in a corner or a drawer "just in case". Just in case of what? Gone... gone... GONE.

Do: Just do it. Yeah, it's corny, but it's true. I'm not trying to lose weight, I am losing weight. I'm not trying to be better, I am getting better. I'm not trying to be myself again, I am becoming myself again.

OK: I'm okay. I'm okay the way I am, I'm okay the way I was, and I'm certainly going to be okay in the future.

ME: I am who I am. That's all I can be. I'm not superwoman, I am me. Being me, is key and taking care of me is the answer. Putting "ME" at the top of my priority list, it's a first but it's necessary to even have my son as #2. I can't care for him if I'm not taking care of myself. My son as #2? That almost hurts to write. However, myself as #1, it has to be for everything else to work.

Oh, and after all my rambling (remember, I hate writing!), I weighed myself today. 223 lbs. I've lost 27 lbs and I'm 2 lbs from my goal for Monday. I don't even know if our hotel has a scale :) I'm happy. That's what matters.

Ugh, Ugh and Double Ugh

That's how I feel, just ugh. My son was off and on sick all weekend. He's had an on going cough that is too infrequent for it be considered a "he's sick" cough. He had some high temps this past weekend but they finally broke last night and this morning with no rash so far. Thank goodness.

I'm really trying to understand my body and how it reacts to what I put in it. I did really well Friday, I even worked out a bit harder since I had been home with our sick child. I discovered a new option on our Wii. I love the step program and it just opened up free step. I can set it for so many minutes, it gives me a goal of steps, then go. It beeps out the rhythm in the control, shouts out encouragement and lets me know when I've reached the 100, 200 and so on steps. I can the switch back over to TV and watch a show while a "free step". I purchased this raiser so that I can eventually raise it so it's more like the step platforms at gyms, but I haven't gotten there yet.

So back to weight. I was good, I had a coffee, had soup for lunch. Good dinner with the hubby. I got on the scale the next morning and whoa... I was up like 1 1/2 pounds. What??? What happened? I did everything right! Ugh.

So Saturday, I was discouraged, but I still stayed on track while we did errands. I got on the scale on Sunday and what??? Up another pound. No here is where I find myself needing to step back and figure out what is going on. I could not have eaten enough to physically gain 2 1/2 pounds in two days. This was either water weight, hormones, or the weight of worrying about a sick child weighs exactly 2 1/2 pounds on my shoulders. Again, I was discouraged.

Sunday, I wasn't as good. We went to a buffet for brunch. I didn't go back for seconds, I didn't even finish what was on my plate (waste of money) but I did enjoy the mimosa's :) I didn't eat "well" but I didn't overeat either. That was good. Our dinner should have been something light after what we had for brunch but no, it wasn't. I think I had gone down the... if I gained, I'll just eat.

But what was I doing? I wanted to lose weight. I have a goal that is coming up in a week plus a big holiday weekend with family right before it!!! That should be my semi-whatever weekend, not this one! UGh. So Sunday morning had me back up to a whopping 227.5 that was 3 pounds up from where I was on Wednesday morning. BLAH!

I didn't want to look like this forever!


So I weighed myself Monday morning thinking why? It's going to be up and what's the point. The point is being consistent and learning. So I weighed, and the scale came back taunting me with a 226. Ummm ok. After all of my "whatever's" on Sunday it's down? THIS IS WHY I'M WEIGHING MYSELF EVERYDAY! (that's in caps to stick it in my brain better). So that no single day matters except the one "tracking" day.

Monday, I did really well. I watched what I ate, I listened to my hunger cues, and I even went walking. I ate soup for dinner, no crackers and no wine. I was craving something, I would go to the kitchen and look through what we had. Hmmmmm nothing jumped out at me. Recently I've been into my son's goldfish crackers. We didn't have any, that was a good thing. I don't think he'd notice if we didn't get them for a while.

So Tuesday morning weigh-in. I got up feeling confident and hopped on the scale. It was taunting me again. With 223.5!!! Woo hoo! But what?

So from Wednesday morning to Tuesday morning I went from 224.5 down to 223.5. I lost a pound. I didn't gain three, I lost one. After all of the ups and downs, my weekly loss was still 1 pound. Should have been better, but considering the roller coaster I had apparently just gotten off, I was happy.

I was also happy since it buts me closer to my goal of 220. 3 1/2 pounds in 6 days? Maybe, Maybe no. We'll see. I'll be excited if I do and happy if I don't. My goal with my doctor was actually ten pounds from where I was at our last appointment at a 19 lb loss. So for that goal realistically, I would need to get to 221. Again, doable. But with Memorial Day weekend at the end? That will be the real test :)

Wish me luck.